Most Important Friend

There is an ongoing dialogue that goes on inside your head and never stops. It is like a roommate in your mind who provides a running commentary on everything that is going on, all the time. To hear this voice yourself, close the book, put down the phone, turn off the computer. Close your eyes and sit in silence for three minutes. You will then hear your roommate enter and occupy your thoughts.

Your own perspectives are formed through these conversations with your roommate, which most of the time happens without you even realising it. The conversations that accumulate over the years create your world and shape your views. They become the lens through which you see and perceive everything around you, and they determine the quality of your life more than anything else. Your decisions in life - what you do, what you say, where you go - naturally follow from these thoughts.

Most people avoid these three minutes of silence because while they are sitting quietly on a chair doing nothing, various unpleasant things come to the surface. It’s easier to be “busy” doing other things. But what you experience in this short time is just the tip of the iceberg. Below it is a garbage pile of unresolved situations, past regrets, decisions made without consideration, things said or done in the past, desires that have gone unfulfilled, leftover thoughts of failed relationships, businesses, and ideas, echoes of people who have hurt you, and vice versa.

These unexamined thoughts are causing many of life’s problems. They make you anxious, stressed, and living in the past or future. They greatly impact the quality of your experience on the planet today. While we spend most of our lives with our spouse, colleagues, friends, and clients, the most important relationship you can have is with this roommate. Examining your mind carefully and improving this relationship through therapy, long walks in nature, meditation, writing journals, or reading philosophy can help improve the quality of the conversation.

What does your mind really want to tell you? What is deeply unresolved?