On Solitude: The Headless Thoughts Club

Have you ever noticed that it’s difficult to sit still on the couch and do “nothing”? It’s much easier to grab the remote control and flip through TV channels or pick up your phone and see what’s going on. I’ve also noticed that it’s hard to drive a car on a long, empty highway in silence. It’s a much better experience to turn on the radio (or even better, continuously flip through the radio channels). Similarly, it seems tedious to rent a small fishing boat and row slowly and gently across a pond for a few hours, with no goal or agenda.

This seems a lot less difficult if you’re competing or simply enjoying the row with a few friends.

What’s going on here? Why is it so tough to be alone, even for a short amount of time?

On the surface, there is an element of habit. If you’ve spent the past 10 years chasing notifications on your iPhone, you might be hooked on those behaviors even if you became a monk. If you’ve spent the last few years in a city like New York, Tokyo, or Moscow, you might naturally feel anxious moving to a village. Humans naturally get used to a certain level of energy around us, regardless of the source.

However, if we dig deeper, there’s another aspect to consider. We need external voices, stimuli, and feedback loops to keep our thoughts and attention directed. When external input is lacking, our thoughts start to wander around in our heads. It’s like a headless chicken, roaming around looking for a purpose. Try closing your eyes and sitting still for 20 seconds. You’ll notice your thoughts wandering around. Isn’t that strange? One thought asks if you really unplugged the iron in the bedroom. Another thinks that the last project you submitted won’t improve your chances of a promotion. And then there’s Tom and Katy’s wedding next weekend.

These thoughts in your mind are wandering around, bouncing off each other, battling with your commentary. All of this creates a very uncomfortable feeling.

Gaining control of your mind, or control of the headless chicken club in your head, can be a very useful power with many benefits for everyday life.